


Betray My Heart

by Citruline



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Alternate Universe, Break Up, F/M, Internalized Homophobia, Jealousy, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex, Strange Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-16
Updated: 2016-04-27
Packaged: 2018-06-02 14:00:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6569053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Citruline/pseuds/Citruline
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Doesn’t matter. It’s done. Bye.” Natsu quickly rose from the bed, picked his clothes and left the room, closing the door with a soft click.<br/>Gray remained sitting in his bed, confused and bereft.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1

Gray let out his breath, feeling his limbs become lax. Above him, Natsu had fallen on top of him, the fire mage’s forehead was pressing against Gray’s collarbone. They remained that way for long moments, Gray noticing that Natsu’s lips seemed to be moving, feather-light, against his pec and right above his heart. Gray wondered for a brief instant about it but the post-coital bliss was such that the haze returned quickly and it was forgotten.

But then, Natsu raised, making Gray notice the shift in temperature, it was strange. He pulled out from Gray slowly and rolled to the side, sitting on the bed with his back to Gray.

The ice mage looked at him, feeling content and lazy. But then Natsu opened his mouth.

“Hey, Gray, let’s end this.” The fire mage said in a toneless voice.

It felt as if Gray had been thrown into an icy lake, without expecting it. The ice mage’s whole body went taut and he sat up, quashing a grimace of discomfort.

“What are you talking about?” He asked, confused.

“This. It’s over.” Natsu said, still not turning around to look at Gray, the voice still strangely uncharacteristic due to the lack of emotion.

“Oi. No. I don’t know what you’re talking about and I want _you_ to answer _me_.” Gray was glaring at Natsu’s back, teeth clenched due to the ire that was quickly bubbling up. “You don’t have a right to go and _say_ that. Like _that_.”

“Doesn’t matter. It’s done. Bye.” Natsu quickly rose from the bed, picked his clothes and left the room, closing the door with a soft _click_.

Gray remained sitting in his bed, confused and bereft.

* * *

On the next morning Gray made sure to head to the guild early. He wanted to talk to Natsu and it was probably a good time to clear things up. The nonsense the fire mage had spouted was too sudden and nonsensical.

Sure, they had begun a relationship that was quite physical – Gray couldn’t quite remember the first time that one of their squabbles had ended with a sudden kiss, but many other times followed with a growing intensity and physicality – but they talked. They were rivals and friends and, Gray hesitated in saying it, lovers. There was a tiny, immensely small side of Gray that forced Gray to admit (even if only to himself) that he had fallen a bit (a lot) for the irascible flame breath. He didn’t like to think of it but it was the truth. And yet, their relationship hadn’t gone rotten, they were more in synch and it felt nice to have a body to touch and be touched back. Even if the things they possibly needed to talk about went unsaid, Gray thought that things were in the clear.

So, why now that strange reaction by Natsu?

What had gotten into him?

Gray laid his head in his folded arms, despondently.

He could only wait for the other to come, then they could talk and clear things up.

Gray fell into a vigil-like trance, not completely asleep but not awake either. It was to compensate the sleep he’d missed during the night.

He could hear the din grow, meaning that more people were getting to the guild to have breakfast. But since the table he’d chosen was more towards the back of the room, he was somewhat protected from the main wave of noise. But then, an unmistakable voice made Gray snap into wakefulness. He sat up in his chair, eyes wide and searching, looking for that familiar mop of pink hair.

At long last, he was able to locate Natsu, he was being followed by Lucy and Happy was hovering close by, they seemed to be chatting excitedly.

Gray stood, pushing his chair back roughly.

A few heads in tables nearby turned to look at him but he paid them no mind. He was about to take his first step to go and approach Natsu when the trio, still chatting, headed to a table where Erza was already sitting at. As they came into full sight, no longer hidden by the bodies of the other guildmates, Gray’s breath caught at what he saw.

Natsu and Lucy were holding hands.

Holding hands?

Holding hands.

Gray caught himself, gave a step back and sat heavily in his chair. Eyes wide but unseeing.

Natsu was touchy feely sometimes. But, he’d never done that. Hold hands with Lucy?

 _It doesn’t mean what I think it means, does it?_ Gray thought to himself, the tinge of hysterical denial, the urge to laugh slightly maniacally clinging to him.

The noise of a tray scraping slightly against the table managed to pull him from his disconnected thoughts. He looked up and it was Juvia.

The other mage was looking at Gray with an expressionless mien, and it was slightly strange how she’d approached Gray. However, Gray still had his mind in a jumbled mess so he didn’t say anything.

The water mage finally sat down, after a long pause. She placed her hands around the mug, from which small vapours were wafting, looking intently into the dark-looking liquid inside.

Gray opened his mouth, trying to get words to come out.

“They’re going out. It’s the news of the day at the guild.” Juvia said suddenly without preamble. “Apparently Natsu asked her out last night.”

Gray’s mouth closed with a click, teeth grinding due to the force the ice mage was making.

“Y-yesterday?” he repeated, chocked off.

“Yes.” Juvia looked straight at Gray, her eyes unfathomable and making Gray feel even more self-conscious.

“Ah…” Gray cast his eyes down, hair covering his eyes as he extended his hands over the smooth grain of the wooden table. Fingers bending as his nails scraped on the table.

“Juvia is sorry, Gray-sama.” The water mage said softly as one hand was delicately poised over Gray’s tense one. It was shaking slightly.

“About what?” Gray asked with a snort.

“Juvia has been watching Gray-sama for a long time.” The words gained some strength, making Gray look up at her. “She has noticed a lot of things.”

“But… you…” Gray began.

“Juvia can see. She knows. She also likes to think of different outcomes.” Juvia’s hand curled around Gray’s before letting go, returning to its previous position cradling the mug. She looked away and then at Gray again.

The ice mage frowned, looking towards where Juvia had been looking at.

Natsu was looking at him.

His expression was closed off, he was sitting between Lucy and Happy but focusing on Gray instead of on the conversation.

Gray glared.

“I’m here to help, if Gray-sama wishes to.”

Juvia’s words were unexpected and made Gray turn at her, taken aback.

Juvia was looking back at him, a slight tilt upwards on the corners of her mouth.

“Come with me.” Gray stood and grasped Juvia’s hand, taking her outside in sure strides, unmindful of the stares he left in his wake, and the glare thrown by Natsu that he could feel burning into his back.

Once outside the guild, they headed to one of the gardens by the river, the one nearest from the guild.

Amid the green trees and protected by the rustle of the leaves, Gray and Juvia sat under one large tree, silent and looking at the river.

“Were you being serious about what you said?” Gray asked quietly after a long time.

Juvia paused, looking at her intertwined fingers in her lap. Then she looked at Gray.

“Of course, Gray-sama. I would not joke about such a thing.” Her eyes became half-closed as she replied, lips pressing together into a thin line.

“But, it’s not right. You’re offering to help me but what’s your gain?” Gray mused out loud, frowning. “I don’t want to _use_ you.”

“Juvia wouldn’t mind helping you.” Juvia was now kneeling and looking at Gray with an intense look. “Even if it began like that. At least Juvia would have been there for Gray-sama.” She bit her lower lip.

 _I wonder if she wants to say something more._ Gray mused.

“I’m sorry, but I’m a grown-up and will manage to get over this without messing with anyone.” Gray decided.

“Why?”

“Huh?” Gray turned and looked at Juvia, seeing that her eyes were beginning to brim with tears, clouds beginning to form overhead.

“Why? Is Juvia not enough? Hasn’t Juvia proved worthy enough already?” One fat tear slid down her cheek.

Droplets of rain began to fall.

“N-no!” Gray knelt before her, grabbing her shoulders before pulling her against his chest, into a hug. Absently, he noticed that his shirt was gone. He cradled the back of Juvia’s head, hand plunged amidst the soft hairs, and let out a weary sigh. “It’s not that.” He near-mumbled against her ear, as if telling her a secret. “I just don’t think that it’s right that I start anything with, well, you when I’m not sure of having sorted whatever it was with… Natsu.”

Juvia’s arms curled around Gray’s torso too, holding tightly.

“Juvia knows.” She plunged the nails of her right hand on Gray’s shoulder blade. “And it’s okay. Didn’t he also move on? He was with Lucy.” Her voice seemed to lighten as she uttered her last sentence.

Gray looked up and realized that the clouds had disappeared. Slowly he extricated himself from Juvia. He sat down, crossing his legs and holding the water mage’s hands in his own.

“But how would we be, if we went forward with this?”

“Juvia would like to be closer to Gray-sama.” She said earnestly, looking pleased at their joined hands. “And she knows that Gray-sama is still confused but, little by little, she will help and some feelings hopefully grow.”

“So, are you sure about what you’re doing? I’m very unsure about all this.” Gray ended lamely.

“Don’t worry, Gray-sama. Juvia knows what she’s doing.” She finished with a smile.

Gray looked at her and gave her hands a squeeze.

It was answer enough.

* * *

Strangely, spending time with Juvia between missions proved less strange than expected.

They fit, in an oddly symbiotic way.

Having Juvia there allowed Gray to get distracted from Natsu, but still with the usual group at the table. Meals were fun, even if both he and Natsu shied away from each other, their interactions being finished pretty quickly, when they happened.

There were some rumours in the guild about them being in bad terms but since they still interacted and behaved, for the most, nobody said anything. They didn’t even have to pretend to get along for Erza’s sake. Now there were no more rows with lots of damage to the guild and a huge lecture accompanying it.

Everything was going quite well.

Gray would have his moments, every now and then, but be snapped out of them by Juvia, a comforting hand curling around his arm and anchoring him in reality.

And Gray did do his best to try something with Juvia. They would be together for large amounts of time, go on dates.

Gray enjoyed kissing Juvia, her lips were soft and reacted playfully under his mouth. She had a certain way of giving herself to him that felt refreshing to Gray. He was used to the push and pull, the playful fights that imbued themselves in everything that he and Natsu did.

It wasn’t long before things became more intimate.

Still, the strangeness wouldn’t leave Gray. He enjoyed and was turned on by Juvia but, deep in his mind, he couldn’t help himself from drawing comparisons.

As his hands ran down Juvia’s soft and voluptuous figure, he would wonder about planes of muscle being missing, wonder about a hardness hidden inside instead of the gentle curves.

As Gray would press inside Juvia, the feeling was different, wetter and the delicate arms and legs that curled around him were a whole different cage of sorts. Long nails still ran down his back but the voice calling at him was too high-pitched, the hair that was spread out in his pillow was too long and not in the right colour, even the scent was something that at some point became too sweet, that spicy musk being amiss.

Still, Gray did his best to bury those comparisons, to bury himself in the pleasure that he could bring himself and his partner. And, he did a good job at it, Juvia was always left sated at the end, curling against Gray’s side, still not right in the place to cuddle. And Gray would throw an arm around her, close his eyes and try to empty his mind.

* * *

Gray was having breakfast, the usual busy affair. Lots of noise and voices crossing over, the clattering of the cutlery and the odd bit of food being thrown as well as the scent of delicious food wafting around.

Gray excused himself and left the table, exchanging a glance with Juvia, followed by a small headshake. It was fine.

He could feel the water mage’s eyes on his back as he headed towards the bathroom. He had a fleeting thought while crossing a slightly more secluded area but didn’t pay any mind.

His business done, he was returning to the table when he had the sudden sense of danger, jumping back and his back hitting the wall.

“What the-?” he let out a curse in a hiss. Looking up he saw who the person was. “What are you doing here?” He said with half-contempt.

“I wanted to talk to you, ice brain.” Natsu said, a scowl in his face. He wasn’t looking directly at Gray but every now and then he would give a quick glance in his direction.

“Hm, tough luck. I don’t have anything to talk to you.” Gray replied between clenched teeth. He resumed his path, or tried to for when he tried to push past the fire mage he was harshly stopped by a hand curling around his forearm. Tightly.

“What?” Gray glared at Natsu.

“Stop that.” Natsu growled, his tone of voice low and threatening.

“Stop what?” Gray asked, taken aback. He didn’t understand what the other meant.

“What you’re doing. You shouldn’t.” Natsu continued in the same tone, letting his hand be shaken away.

“But I’m not doing anything! Did you hit your head or something? Is your brain more melted than usual?” Gray replied, voice raising slightly. “Besides, you don’t have anything to do with what I do or don’t. You lost any right.”

“It was the _right_ thing to do.” Natsu counteracted, the frown darkening.

“I don’t care.” Gray said sharply. “Now, let me go back. Juvia’s waiting for me.” Gray attempted to push past the fire mage once again.

“But I don’t want you to.” Natsu replied, stubbornly.

“Ah! You really have some gall. First you… ah! Fuck it. You’re not worth my time.” Gray shook his head.

“What we were doing was _wrong_.” Natsu finally said.

“Huh? What the fuck are you talking about?” Gray squinted at Natsu, confused.

“Me and you. I… realized and heard that it’s wrong.” Natsu mumbled. “So we can’t do anything.”

“Wow, you’re stupid.” Gray said sarcastically. “Besides, since when do you care about what other people think?”

“I don’t! But it depends on the people. I heard _them_ talking about it and how it was gross.” Natsu continued his tirade.

“I don’t really care about who you heard but, that was a really shitty thing to do. Not only to me but, to Lucy? I don’t know what you’re playing at but you’re not acting like that Natsu I know.” Gray’s lips were curling in distaste.

“I am!” Natsu all but shouted, grabbing Gray’s shoulder tightly. “But I haven’t been feeling well about this and I still like you, Gray. I just…” he lowered his head, his tone of voice becoming slightly beseeching.

“Seriously, Natsu. What the fuck?” Gray shook his head in disbelief.

“Gray…”

“No! Natsu. What the fuck? Why didn’t you say anything?” Gray said in a tightly controlled voice. “I mean, why didn’t you tell _me_ anything? We could talk about it before you went and did _that_!”

“I wasn’t sure if we could talk…” the fire mage said in a subdued tone.

“Why wouldn’t we?” Gray threw his arms up.

“We never talked about anything. I didn’t think we could? Those weren’t the rules.” Natsu said with a defiant look. “We didn’t even talk about what we had.”

“Well, I didn’t think we had to talk. But you have a point.” Gray conceded. “However, I don’t think that this is the right place to do this.” The ice mage snorted at their location.

“What do you want to do, then?” Natsu jutted his chin up.

“Meet me at the park near the guild. I don’t know why I’m doing this, I guess that some of your stupidity has rubbed on me after all.” Gray said with a roll of his eyes. Finally pushing his way past Natsu.

 _What am I doing?_ He asked himself as he returned to the table. He felt like slapping himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was listening to a song called [Betray My Heart](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hxMvrU-73oQ), by Pythia and, I don't know, just wondered how it would be if one of the boys' hearts were betrayed, what would happen. I guess that the bunny that was born decided to answer that, though in a probably overly dramatic way, I guess. I wonder if the boys would be talking (which would most likely avoid that something like this happened) or if they would be acting like in this fic. Well, I went the overly dramatic way, even if I'm not completely pleased with how this ended up.  
> I also kind of wondered about leaving this as a sad oneshot but since I'm a sucker for happy endings (or, bitter-sweet ones), there will be a second part.  
> Many apologies for the characters' characterizations, I tried to treat everyone with respect.  
> The story's unbetaed.  
> Feedback would be welcomed.


	2. Part 2

Memory could be strange. Memory could be tricky. It’s odd how sometimes it can remember some things from the past, a sense of familiarity will flood one yet… yet sometimes things aren’t as remembered, as they were expected to be.

_Remember._

_Remember._

The past.

The village.

The people. The houses and forest.

The fun moments.

A group of friends. With whom many adventures – and troubles – had been experienced.

There’s _one_ friend.

_I remember him…_

The mop of dark green hair, always a mess, always dirty, which kind of went along with his dirt-smudged face more often than not. He would be dressed in the simplest shirt and trousers, both quite threadbare.

A cheeky smile always on that face. Mischief not much distant from his expression.

_We… played a lot together…_

The recollection brought a wave of pain. Thunderous and immense, overwhelming and intense, the one that hit hard and left one breathless.

_I see flashes of something. Too fast._

_They’re big. Where did my friend go? Why am I being dragged to the rundown houses at the edge of the village?_

_Fire?_

But the cruel hands holding down hurt.

_Hey! Let me go!_

The laughter is ruthless, accompanied by a lot of voices calling slurs. A grubby hand curls around the chin, squeezing, at the same time that it’s raised to the menacing face.

_What do you want? I didn’t do anything._

The fist that was punching did it with such force that the breath whooshes out, pain radiating out. And then things got worse, with being thrown into the dusty ground and kicked and punched some more.

The hot irons that appeared in his line of sight were scary.

_What? No!_

The pain was such that everything faded out.

_ That’ll teach you to stay in line… _

The threat was hanging over him, ominously, before everything flickered out.

* * *

Some days were so normal, with usual clear sky and sunshine, the usual movement of the crowds and people, the usual breath of the town almost, that it seemed kind of wondrous on how they could end up with such a crushing, overwhelming effect in one’s life.

Of course that not every normal day was going to be earthshattering.

Until they were, that is.

Natsu was walking down the street, coming from the marketplace. His surroundings were still filled with people, scents – some of them not all that pleasant – noises. Natsu walked calmly. He had left Happy at the guild and was supposed to have one of his meetings with Gray later on.

The meetings with Gray…

They were… odd.

On the one hand, he felt really well and with a sort of belonging but there was a niggling feeling in the back of his mind that brought a tinge of unease.

Natsu had wondered about that, thought about it, tried to discover what that feeling was. But no, he wasn’t able to. It was as if he had a closed box, the lock closed and the key was missing.

The fire mage wondered about what might be inside that box, though the tinge of unease made him think that it was better if he remained unaware.

Suddenly he was pushed aside, going so far as to knock against another person, by an irate group of people. Some old ladies and men were heading towards the market, the bluster they created drowning the usual noises from the sellers and crowds.

Natsu straightened himself quickly, giving an apologetic nod to the person he’d crashed into but his attention didn’t take long to turn towards the group of people.

Then he caught what they were _saying_.

The words…

They were the key to that closed box inside of Natsu. Angry and sharp, hurtful and hateful, echoing from deep in the recesses of his mind, mixing with the ones being uttered out loud.

The hate and disgust, the haughtiness and surety. The _pain_.

The pain returned.

The burn mark on his right hip, thick and long, unknown of when it’d been made but with a strange sense of deservedness to it.

Now Natsu knew how it had ended there.

He kind of wished he still didn’t remember because suddenly the feeling of dirtiness began to crawl all over his skin. He was disgusting, right?

The traces of pain from that one time returned, making his breath catch in his throat. Only now it was so much worse. Because he knew what it was but it didn’t feel bad yet, the knowledge that it was disgusting had been beaten into him.

Natsu stood in the middle of the street, unmoving.

He was feeling torn.

Torn between heading to Gray’s and possibly committing the act of horribleness one last time or just calling it off right away.

He had to choose.

* * *

_He could do it one more time, right?_

_One last time before calling it off._

_Because… it felt right but he knew that it was wrong._

_Just… one last time…_

* * *

Natsu headed to Gray’s house. A path taken so many times that it was almost automatic, just like going to the guild, his own house or Lucy’s – to pester her.

His feet took him and everything went as usual. The two mages didn’t speak much, indulging in the other’s presence and body.

Natsu thrust into Gray and saw all the reactions he was able to evoke, their bodies so in sync that it didn’t take long for them to free fall into pleasure.

Natsu lay on top of Gray, still weak from the pleasure and, at the same time, trying to memorize everything, how it was, one last time. He raised slightly, forehead on Gray’s collarbone before moving his lips to brush against the skin above Gray’s heart. Lips moving against the skin in a confession that would never be uttered out loud, barely thought. One last time.

And then, it was time.

With stiff limbs, Natsu slipped out, sat on the edge of the bed with his back turned to Gray – for he knew that he couldn’t look at the ice mage when the words that were going to leave his mouth emerged. They would just shatter everything.

It went as well as expected – which was to say, not well at all.

Natsu picked his clothes, headed to the door. Not daring to look back.

It felt as if he’d been encased in ice. His skin was now a chipped armour that was just cracking and melting away, he was leaving the wrongness and do the right thing, right?

Putting on his clothes Natsu left Gray’s house, a heavy weight on his chest.

Yet, he couldn’t look back.

His feet took him to Lucy’s house.

She had her window open and a cheery voice came from inside.

Natsu stopped. Wondered.

_What’s the next step?_

_ To show that you’re not that. _

_How do I…?_

_ Do what you must. _

_But what?_

_ Do what’s normal, not disgusting. _

_But…_

A flare of pain echoed on Natsu’s shoulder. He nearly flinched.

 _Well, I do love Lucy. Just… do I love her like_ that _? I do… Do I?_

With that Natsu headed inside. He knocked on the door and Lucy opened, brow furrowing slightly at seeing him like that. Natsu gave her a faint smile.

“… Natsu?” the blonde mage asked.

“Can I…?” Natsu waved inside.

“Oh, of course. Come in.” Lucy nearly pulled him inside and to sit at the table. She was looking slightly puzzled. “What’s wrong? You seem a bit weird.” She forced a smile. “Are you hungry?” She quickly added, trying to fill the silence. She stood and began heading to the kitchen but was interrupted when Natsu spoke.

“Lucy…” Natsu looked at her with a too serious look. “I… wanted to ask you something.”

“Huh, okay. Tell me.” She knelt beside the fire mage once again. The air of puzzlement back.

“Will you go out with me?” Natsu asked bluntly, looking down at the table.

“Wha- what?” The blonde mage blinked, shocked. Her mouth fell open before she caught herself and straightened up. “Did you just…”

Natsu let his head fall down onto the table with a heavy _clunk_ before a hand covered his. The fire mage looked up. To see Lucy beaming down at him.

“Of course I will!” She said with a smile, lacing the fingers of their hands together.

Natsu gave her a tremulous smile.

 _This is the right thing to do._ He told himself firmly. Even if the heavy weight was now feeling heavier than he could possibly bear.

* * *

Dating Lucy wasn’t as bad as he feared. The two mages got along quite well even if the celestial mage had to reel Natsu in sometimes. She got quite adept of teasing Natsu and sometimes she would slap him when he was going too over the top. It was… comforting. In a different way.

Their dates were also a good distraction, not only did they get to hang out in many places – often with Happy around – but also took him away from the guild, where he could have some… unpleasant encounters.

Natsu didn’t speak to Gray anymore. Or, if they did get a word out it would be something neutral, said in passing.

Yet, Natsu still observed the ice mage. He saw him getting close with Juvia. Too close.

And something that he knew he had no right in feeling blossomed, he got jealous.

He couldn’t stomach seeing how they were having fun together, Gray rising again from the predicament Natsu had left him in. It wasn’t right. Natsu didn’t like it, didn’t allow for it to happen. Gray couldn’t.

Yet, he knew that he could _and_ should.

_Do the right thing._

The fire mage still had to bite his lower lip and curl his hands into fists, making the nails plunge into the skin, focus all of his attention on Lucy or whoever was talking so that he wouldn’t go and yell at Gray.

And it worked.

He was happy with Lucy.

Gray was happy with Juvia.

Everything was as it should.

Except that something felt wrong.

Terribly wrong.

* * *

One day, he couldn’t take it anymore. He followed Gray when the ice mage went to the bathroom. Confronted him in the hallway.

Their tempers clashed, like they hadn’t in a long time.

“I wanted to talk to you, ice brain.” The words came unbidden. A slight relief for being able to talk to the ice mage. But he scowled, he shouldn’t interact with Gray. He could hardly look at him – but the sneak peeks helped.

“Hm, tough luck. I don’t have anything to talk to you.” The words said in a tight voice were like a punch in his gut – even if Natsu knew that he deserved it. As Gray attempted to circumvent him and return to the main room, Natsu grasped at his forearm in desperation.

“What?” Gray asked as he turned around to glare at Natsu.

“Stop that.” The growl that left Natsu had no right existing.

“Stop what?” Gray seemed confused.

“What you’re doing. You shouldn’t.” He continued, feeling with certainty that he just put his foot in his mouth. He let his hand be shaken away.

“But I’m not doing anything! Did you hit your head or something? Is your brain more melted than usual?” Gray retorted. “Besides, you don’t have anything to do with what I do or don’t. You lost any right.”

“It was the _right_ thing to do.” Was the answer. The only answer possible.

“I don’t care.” Gray’s words made it feel as if Natsu had just been doused with frozen water. “Now, let me go back. Juvia’s waiting for me.” And with that Gray attempted to head back to the main room.

“But I don’t want you to.” The words came out of Natsu harshly. A truth he wasn’t supposed to let out.

“Ah! You really have some gall. First you… ah! Fuck it. You’re not worth my time.” The look Gray threw at Natsu before shaking his head was the worst.

“What we were doing was _wrong_.” Natsu finally said, the weakest defence but the only one he had.

“Huh? What the fuck are you talking about?” Confusion had spread out onto Gray’s face.

“Me and you. I… realized and heard that it’s wrong.” Natsu’s words were a weak mumble. “So we can’t do anything.”

“Wow, you’re stupid.” Gray retorted sarcastically. “Besides, since when do you care about what other people think?”

“I don’t! But it depends on the people. I heard _them_ talking about it and how it was gross.” _Disgusting, unnatural, dirty_. And Natsu knew how they could hurt him by being different.

“I don’t really care about who you heard but, that was a really shitty thing to do. Not only to me but, to Lucy? I don’t know what you’re playing at but you’re not acting like that Natsu I know.” The look Gray threw at him crushed Natsu.

“I am!” The shout came before he realized he was doing it, as was the grasping of Gray’s shoulder. “But I haven’t been feeling well about this and I still like you, Gray. I just…” Natsu was confused, not being able to withstand the other’s sight.

“Seriously, Natsu. What the fuck?” Gray’s tone was of disbelief.

“Gray…” Natsu found himself pleading.

“No! Natsu. What the fuck? Why didn’t you say anything?” Natsu’s mouth twitched up momentarily, it wasn’t funny but it wasn’t every day that you heard Gray’s ‘ _you’re in trouble_ ’ voice. “I mean, why didn’t you tell _me_ anything? We could talk about it before you went and did _that_!”

“I wasn’t sure if we could talk…” And it was true. They hadn’t.

“Why wouldn’t we?” Gray’s temper was beginning to flare again.

“We never talked about anything. I didn’t think we could? Those weren’t the rules.” It was what Natsu believed and knew. “We didn’t even talk about what we had.”

“Well, I didn’t think we had to talk. But you have a point.” Gray finally conceded, voice going back to normal. “However, I don’t think that this is the right place to do this.” Gray let out a snort.

“What do you want to do, then?” Natsu asked, challengingly.

“Meet me at the park near the guild. I don’t know why I’m doing this, I guess that some of your stupidity has rubbed on me after all.” Gray said with finality before pushing past Natsu and leaving Natsu alone.

The fire mage gulped.

 _Is this good or bad?_ He couldn’t help but ask himself.

* * *

“I’m here.” Gray said gruffly. He leaned against the bark of a tree, leaving Natsu sitting on the grass, where he’d been waiting.

“Yeah.” Natsu replied noncommittally. He was consciously not looking at Gray.

“So, can you explain me about whatever hare-brained idea that was?” The ice mage inquired.

“What was that? What we had?” Natsu asked suddenly.

“And now you’re changing the conversation.” Gray stated, crossing his arms. “Well then, I’ll say my part and leave.” Gray took a breath. “I thought that things were well between us. But one day you put a stop to things – and let me tell you, good one…” Gray shot a quick and meaningful glance at the fire mage’s head before averting his eyes and continuing. “And then on the next day you’re dating Lucy and you put a wall of silence between us. Fine, I can deal with that.” Gray shrugged. “And now, allow me to go on with my life. Bye.” Gray straightened himself up and made to leave.

“So you don’t like me anymore…” The words came out sadly, before Natsu put a stop to them.

“That doesn’t have anything to do with this!” Gray snapped. “Sheesh! You seriously fuck up but then, ugh. I’m done.” Gray turned on his heel and took a few steps.

“Wait, Gray, come on. I…” Natsu stood up and took a few steps after Gray.

“You, nothing-“ Gray said seriously.

“But… I didn’t mean to.” Natsu said in a defeated voice.

“But you did.” Gray snapped.

“What we were doing was disgusting!” Natsu finally yelled.

Gray stood still for long moments, almost as if he’d become a statue of ice. Then he threw a really pissed off, truly irate glare at Natsu and took the few steps that separated them.

“You better not address me ever again.” Gray said in a toneless voice. “I’m through with you. And, to think that I had some _feelings_ for you.” Gray’s face scrunched up in anger. “No… I’m out and I might do something regrettable if you step into my life again.” With that Gray pushed Natsu back, with all his might. Made the fire mage fall on his ass. He was looking stricken.

With that Gray turned on his heel and left Natsu alone.

_Shit._

Natsu closed his eyes, chest flaring with pain. He punched the ground beside him, making a small crater. The pain flaring from his hand wasn’t able to so much as distract Natsu from the mess he’d just done.

* * *

_I have to come clean, then_ … The thought ran through his mind over and over as he paced in front of Lucy’s building. He had to go inside. But did he have the courage to? Natsu stopped, slapped both of his cheeks and steeled himself.

_Here goes nothing._

“Ah, Natsu. I’m glad you came. Look, I was trying this new recipe for cookies, Levy told me that they were foolproof and that you dragonslayer types do seem to love them.” She gave him a wink.

Natsu let out a sigh. He felt bad.

“Lucy, wait a moment.” He stopped the celestial mage and took her to the room, so that they sat at the table. “I… I have to tell you something.”

“Okay… that doesn’t sound good.” Lucy nodded, tensing up.

“Well. It’s not.” Natsu began, only to pause and take a deep breath. “The thing is…” Natsu’s stiltedness made Lucy grab his hand to try to comfort him but he pulled back his hand, as if burned.

“Natsu?” There was confusion alongside with concern in her gaze now.

“The thing… I think that Gray and I were _something_.” Natsu stood up, back turned to the blonde mage.

“You and Gray?” Lucy was surprised. “But… oh, I never noticed. But you haven’t been talking, for a while now…” she mused. “Did something happen? Is this what it is about?”

“Yes and no.” Natsu replied dejectedly. “I… there were some things from a long time ago, see? And, they were right. What I did with Gray was disgusting, was awful-“

“What are you talking about? Natsu?” Lucy tried to interject.

“So I had to break it off. It wasn’t the right thing. It was wrong. _Wrong_.” Natsu continued, not paying attention to her. “So I came and did the right thing. Coming to-”

“Wait…” Lucy said suddenly, the room becoming very still, the near-manic energy coming off Natsu being stopped by the near glacial air that was coming off Lucy. “Let me get this straight… you broke it off with Gray and then came to _me_? Was _I_ the right thing? Are you telling me that you _used_ me?” The tone of her voice was raising, as she stood. Fury etched in her face, Lucy threw the first thing she got her hands on at Natsu, a pillow.

“I… yes and no?” Natsu tried to defend himself pathetically.

“I can’t believe this-!” Lucy said in a disbelieving tone. “You mocked my feelings for you and used me so that you could _something_!?” She threw her arms into the air, menacingly walking to Natsu.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to but, please, I have to explain, need to understand…” He stopped abruptly when Lucy slapped him.

“Get out.” Lucy said in a barely controlled voice. When Natsu didn’t move she grabbed his arm and dragged him to the door. “ _Get out!_ ” She yelled, the first tears beginning to slide down her cheeks.

That was the last thing Natsu saw before the door was slammed shut in his face.

* * *

Natsu walked towards the guild, feeling sad and terrible. He just wanted to sleep and not awake ever again. He’d made a huge mess. And it probably wasn’t going to end well, unfortunately.

While turning one corner he nearly crashed against one of the persons he least wanted to see.

Juvia.

“Natsu-san.” Juvia nodded at him.

Natsu didn’t say anything else, just continued dragging his feet while heading to the guild.

“Natsu-san. Juvia thinks that there’s a conversation that’s long overdue…” she placed a hand on the fire mage’s shoulder, effectively stopping him.

“You want to talk?” Natsu said in an almost deadened tone of voice, so at odds with his usual one.

“Juvia thinks that it would be good to clear some things up.” Juvia led the pair to a bench that was near the riverside. They sat and a strange silence rose between them.

“What did you want to tell me?” Natsu said with a sigh, slouching on the seat.

“Juvia has seen what Natsu-san did to Gray-sama.” The water mage began, stiltedly. She turned to the fire mage and threw him an unfathomably glance. “It… wasn’t what she expected.”

“What are you talking about?” Natsu ran a hand over his face.

“Juvia didn’t understand the reason, even if it was against her wishes…” She turned more fully towards Natsu. “Why?”

“Why what?”

“Is Natsu-san pretending to be dumb?” The water mage asked, tilting her head slightly.

“Dumb about what?” Natsu rolled his eyes, beginning to be put off.

“The reason as to why Natsu-san and Gray-sama broke up. Juvia hasn’t asked Gray-sama but… she thinks she might ask Natsu-san that.”

“Fine.” Natsu stood, unable to contain the energy that suddenly seemed to have flooded through him. “Here’s the thing. It was wrong. Disgusting. Two men should never…”

“Does Natsu-san really think that?” Juvia leaned slightly forward, attentively.

“Huh. Yeah?” The slight contortion to Natsu’s expression showed how uncertain he was. “I mean, yes and no.”

“Yes and no…?” Juvia repeated.

“Yeah. I know that what we did was wrong even if…” he bit down on his lip.

“If what? Juvia thinks that Natsu-san isn’t sure.” The water mage stood. “And it might be harmful to Juvia but Gray-sama is hurt. Natsu-san is hurting Gray-sama.”

“I haven’t done anything for a long time.” Natsu scoffed.

“No. Natsu-san lies.” The blue-haired mage took a step towards Natsu. “Natsu-san know what is and isn’t true. Was it good?”

“What was it?” Natsu was surprised at the non-sequitur.

“When Natsu-san was with Gray-sama. How did it feel?” Juvia took another step.

“…” Natsu bit his lip. “It was… good.” He said in a low, barely audible, voice.

“And still, Natsu-san says that it was disgusting?”

“No. It wasn’t disgusting, being with Gray. It felt right but _they_ -“ Natsu stopped abruptly.

“Who are _they_?” Juvia enquired.

“I… I can’t… they’ll hurt me more.” Natsu closed his eyes and shook his head.

The water mage seemed to hesitate.

“Were they the ones who told Natsu-san that it was wrong?” She asked after a moment, after allowing Natsu to calm down.

“It… I…” Natsu was confused.

“Natsu-san.” Juvia said softly, a hand brushing over the fire mage’s shoulder. “Whoever did that is wrong. And they can’t hurt you anymore.”

“Wrong?” Natsu queried, at a loss.

“Yes, Natsu-san. There is nothing wrong about loving someone, be it a man or a woman.” She paused. “The feelings are what matter. One day they might reach the person you love. But speaking of them is also important.”

“Gray said…” Natsu looked to his side, at the water. “But he never said…”

“Natsu-san shouldn’t throw the blame to other people. Juvia knows about that…” she also threw a glance at the water.

“So, not disgusting…?” Natsu repeated.

“No, Juvia doesn’t think so. However, Natsu-san needs to apologize to Gray-sama and Lucy-san. It wasn’t a good thing…” The water mage gave Natsu a tiny smile. “It is late. Juvia needs to sleep.” She said, the undercurrent of tension between the two mages easing off then. She was about to turn on her heel and leave but then paused and smiled at Natsu again. “Despite everything, Juvia will do everything she can. She won’t lose Gray’s affection.” With that, she left.

Natsu sat down on the bench. He was feeling winded.

_So what I thought was right was wrong? How…?_

The fire mage let his breath out in a whoosh, tilting his head to the sky. He couldn’t exactly see stars but the conversation he’d just had – with the most unexpected person – left him with a lot to think about. And a massive headache at the mess he’d made of his life.

* * *

The following times were difficult for Natsu.

Both Lucy and Gray were royally pissed at him and it was difficult to catch either of them alone. They were doing a wonderful job avoiding him.

Natsu got a few approving nods from Juvia – and that still surprised him immensely – for his efforts.

The fire mage’s hopes dimmed. He knew that he’d been the worst asshole but he still knew that he cared deeply about both Gray and Lucy.

In the end, it was the water mage who gave him the final help into getting the three of them in the same place.

Natsu was only told to be inside the room at a certain time – and he did.

Surprisingly, he saw Lucy and then Gray get inside.

As soon as the mages saw him, they started heading to the door.

“Wait! Please. I… I just want to apologize.” Natsu said in a whoosh, lest he lost his chance.

“Why should we?” Gray asked, glacially.

“I know that what I did was really shitty, I know. Just… I really didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I didn’t… I want to apologize for being a terrible friend, for doing those shitty things, for acting in that poor way. I know that I only deserve your disregard now but, please, give me the chance to regain your trust. I know that what I did just broke everything and… I don’t want that.” He said his tirade in a row, taking a few gasps of air when he ended. Then he waited expectantly.

“What you did Natsu…” Lucy began. She shook her head. “I don’t know. You hurt me, really hurt me.”

“I know. I didn’t think…” Natsu said, tongue-tied. He stomped his foot, frustrated.

“How do you see this, then?” Gray asked after a while.

“I don’t know. I mean, I know there are feelings-“ he raised his hands as he saw the other two tense up. “I don’t want to think about that. I need to grow up and learn some things about myself, by myself. I just want us to try to be friends again. And yes, I do know that I’m asking too much but-“

“Sheesh, you’re acting all weird now.” Lucy scoffed.

“Huh?” Natsu blinked.

“I guess that it was all those flames, melted his brain. He’s another person now.” Gray muttered.

“What are you two talking about.” Natsu asked, confused.

“I guess that I’m saying that, okay, it’ll be better for all if we sort these things between us.” Gray said.

“Yeah, things were quite strange as of late.” Lucy added.

“So…”

“Yes, I accept your apology. But I need time. I don’t want to see you in front of me so soon.” Gray shrugged.

“Agreed. It’ll be better if we keep our distances. Go slowly.” Lucy agreed.

“Ah- okay. I see.” Natsu nodded.

With that, the other mages left Natsu alone.

The fire mage sat down on a crate heavily. Letting out a relieved breath.

_I have a chance, still. After fucking up like that._

Natsu nodded to himself, silently promising that he was going to work hard to regain their friendship and trust once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, finally the conclusion to this story. It was an interesting idea, I guess. Hopefully it didn't disappoint too much.  
> Feels good to having finished this even if I felt like I had way too much fun tormenting Natsu. ^^  
> Many apologies if it felt choppy and, I don't know. I'm just happy it's done. xD  
> Unbetaed.  
> Thanks for reading. Feedback would be nice.


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